


Glow-in-the-dark Stars

by Serenebelle



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Bending (Avatar TV), Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Past Child Abuse, Zhao (Avatar) Is An Asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25032304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenebelle/pseuds/Serenebelle
Summary: Zuko is eight when his mom leaves.
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Jet & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 631





	Glow-in-the-dark Stars

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time writing anything but since the Zukka reawakening, I wanted to try so... this.  
> Well... enjoy.  
> I don't own avatar or any of the characters involved in this work of fiction.
> 
> #endsars #Nigerianlivesmatter  
> #endpolicebrutality

Zuko is eight when his mom leaves.

There are glow-in-the dark stars on the ceiling of his room. Mom bought them a while ago at a craft store and he used to count them before going to bed every night. Father didn’t like them but he didn’t say anything about it. He used to be a lot less angry then. These days though, he only says mean things. Things that make Mom cry. They fight a lot now.

It started when Father stopped going to work and they had to move out of their house. The house they live now is a lot smaller and while he doesn’t mind it much even prefers it, Azula on the other hand keeps complaining about it. She never says it around Father though because while she knows she’s his favourite, she can also tell that he’s changed.

The day Mom leaves, she and dad have a massive fight. It starts as something about Azula, then something about him and by the time Dad starts hitting Mom he doubts they know what they were fighting about in the first place.

Zuko wants to help her. He wants to rush out and protect her but he’s eight and Father is huge so he stands behind his bedroom door and shuts his eyes. If he listens close enough, he can hear Azula crying in the next room.

Hours later when Father is passed out drunk on the couch, Mom comes into the room. He remembers the bruises on her pretty face and the tears in her eyes.

“I love you so much Zuko. So much.” She says as she pushes his dark hair out of his eyes and pulls him into her arms.

“I love you too.” He replies half asleep holding her back just as tight.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers softly as he falls back asleep.

**

She’s gone by the next morning.

Azula gone with her.

Father is so angry.

**

The weeks after Mom and Azula left are some of the worst in Zuko’s life.

Father is drunk and angry and maybe sad but Zuko can’t really tell through the pain all over his body. Father had never hit him before. Now all he can feel are the kicks and punches in his stomach and legs and face.

He looks at the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling and tries not to think about why Mom left him behind.

**

Zuko isn’t good at school. Not like Azula had been.  
He tries really hard but the letters never want to co-operate. He’d always preferred drawing anyways. He remembers Mom used to tape the best of his drawings on the fridge in the kitchen. She’d look at them in awe and call him talented.

“My little Picasso.” She'd say while ruffling his hair, smiling like he was the most precious thing to her.

That was the past though. She wasn’t here anymore and Father didn’t care about things like that.

His teacher invites Father for a meeting and afterwards he leaves her office with a pamphlet with a big word dys-something written boldly on it. Zuko isn’t sure what his teacher talked to Father about but whatever it was made him angry and Zuko feels his hands start to shake as he sits in the passengers’ seat on the ride home.

Father beats him that night while yelling all sorts of mean things.

_Stupid._

_Useless._

_Fuck up._

“The stupid bitch should have taken you with her… fucking waste of space.” He yells before going to get drunk on the couch.

It’s no wonder Mom took Azula instead of him.

**

Zuko learns to stay quiet and out of sight. After walking in on Father and one of his new friends once, he learns to disappear whenever his father has company. Though he becomes pretty good at staying hidden he still meets some of them sometimes. He’s seen so many new faces that he doesn’t bother trying to differentiate them anymore. Some are nice, some couldn’t care less. None of them stay longer than a week or two though. None except Dana.

She moves in with them when Zuko is ten.

She’s nothing like Mom and Zuko is equally relieved and sad about that. For one she smokes so many cigarettes that she constantly smells like smoke. She doesn’t go out of her way to be mean to him nor is she particularly nice to him.

She stays away from him and he stays away from her.

He’s grateful for her though because since she moved in, Dad seems to have forgotten about him.

She stays for four months before she has enough and leaves.

“I’m sorry, kid.” She says hastily stuffing her clothes and some of Father's things in a bag.

She looks tired, worn. He’s never heard her say those words before but he feels a sense of dread when he hears them.

In that moment with the bruises he’s sure his father put on her, she looks a little like his mother. Zuko tells himself that he doesn’t really care because he didn’t love her and she didn’t love him and that was fine.

A part of him wishes she would take him with her.

**

Predictably when Dad realizes she’s gone, he blames Zuko.

He doesn’t go to school for the next couple of days because he can’t move.

**

Sometimes Zuko lies awake at night staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling thinking of what it would have been like if Mom had taken him along with her. He imagines dinner every night with her and Azula. He imagines a nice room in a nice house with lots of toys and art supplies. He and Azula had never been really close… at least not as close as they could have been. He remembers her calling him all these ridiculous nicknames _…Zuzu… Dumdum._

He likes to imagine that their relationship would be better, without Father pitting them against each other. They could have gotten closer. He imagines Mom happy. Mostly he imagines himself happy without having to live his life walking on eggshells. He imagines not having to be afraid all the time. Not having to sneak around the house because he’s scared of Father seeing him and hurting him for existing.

He imagines himself being free.

**

No one will sit with Zuko at lunch.

It might be because his clothes are too big for his small frame or because his hair is longer than usual and covers most of his face. It could also be because he doesn’t talk much, content to make sketches at the back of his notebook. It could be because instead of answering with the correct answer to the question that one time in class, he couldn’t say anything.

Or the time he spilled paint on his partner by mistake in arts class. He doesn’t really know why but he’s okay with it.

Honestly, it’s fine with him, he’s never had friends before. He doesn’t need them anyways. He stops going to the cafeteria during lunch break. It’s not like he has any food to eat during that time.

Someone pushes him down in the hallway and every one laughs. He wants to cry but he doesn’t. Father says only weak people cry. He’s not weak no matter what Father thinks.

**

When Zuko is ten, he meets Zhao.

He comes to visit a lot. Apparently, he and Father work together. Zuko tries harder to stay out of sight but Zhao seems particularly interested in talking to him. While he doesn’t dislike Zhao, he doesn’t like him at first. He drinks a lot like Father but when he’s drunk, he doesn’t get angry. Instead, he’s happier.

He calls Zuko ‘kiddo’ and asks him about school. He tells Zuko weird jokes and tries to make him smile. Even though he stopped smiling a while back after a punch from Father had knocked his front teeth loose earlier than they should have. He sometimes smiles for Zhao because while Zhao isn’t really nice, he’s nice to him.

Until he isn’t.

**

Hands everywhere… in his mouth, on his shoulders, his hair, under his clothes.

“Don’t scream. You don’t want your Father to think you’re weak, do you?”

“This is all you’re good for. Do you know?” Zhao grunts from somewhere above him.

It becomes a regular occurrence, one that he refuses to believe Father knows about even though he knows better. One that always leaves him staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling wishing he was dead.

**

Zuko tries to run away when he’s eleven. Father finds out and breaks his leg. He doesn’t understand.

“If you don’t love me, why won’t you let me leave?” He thinks when the Doctor gives him a red cast.

Father says he fell down the stairs so he tells the doctor the same when she asks again.

**

When Zuko is twelve, he makes a friend.

  
Jin is new and friendly. At first, he thinks she’s being nice because she has no other friends but even when some of the other girls approach her, she ignores them unless they’re nice to him. He tries to tell her to stay away for her own good, but she refuses. She braids his hair during lunch and yells at the other students when they’re being particularly mean.

She tells him about her family, about her brother and sister. About her goldfish and her puppy. She tells him about her moms and how they adopted her when she was a baby. She tells him about her life and Zuko feels jealous. He meets one of her moms once and he wishes she could be his too.

He doesn’t talk much about his life. He’s ashamed. He doesn’t talk about the yelling or the bruises. He doesn’t talk about Zhao or the reason why his clothes are always baggy and torn. He doesn’t want her to know. Although he suspects that she knows more than she lets on. It’s in the way she always mistakenly brings extra food for lunch. The way she always has a band-aid and a hug waiting for him every day.

Zuko’s life hasn’t been good for a long time but when he’s with Jin he's happy. He wonders if this is what love feels like.

Which is why he shouldn’t be surprised that it goes wrong.

**

When Zuko is thirteen, Jin’s mother gets a job in a different state. The whole family has to move. She’s crying when she tells him, and he holds her close to him. She apologizes over and over and he tells her it’s okay.

He should have known he was never meant to have love. Happiness was never for him. He should have known.

**

The week after Jin leaves town, Zuko gets very angry. He avoids Father and Zhao a lot. He’s sure Father notices his change in behavior but he can’t bring himself to care.

“It’s not fair.” He thinks. First Mom and Azula then Dana and now Jin.

It’s not fair. He knows it’s his fault. The universe had never held back before, why did he think this time would be different.

He’s so angry that when Father yells at him, he yells back.

He doesn’t have enough time to regret his decision.

Burnt flesh is the last thing he smells before he passes out.

**

He wakes up in the hospital.

The doctor tells him that he was found in a ditch somewhere with his wound infected. Apparently, his father thought he was dead and tried to get rid of his body.

He’s crying when the police officer comes to talk to him. He tells him about mom and Father and Zhao and by the end he doesn’t have any tears left.

**

Zuko is thirteen when he goes into foster care. He’s moved around a lot and while he hates it, it’s better than Father. He and Zhao had gotten charged for attempted murder and child molestation etcetera respectively.

The kids in the foster homes he stays tend to stay away from him. Maybe it’s the permanent scowl on his face or his general unpleasant attitude. It’s could also be the scar that covers almost half his face.

He hears some of the rumors that go around about how he got it in the first place. They get more ridiculous every time he moves.

“I heard he got it in a gang fight.” He hears some of the kids whispering to each other on the other side of the room they share. He doesn’t know if that scenario would have been better.

**

Zuko is fifteen when he meets Iroh.

He’s the first foster parent he has that doesn’t have any other foster kids. Zuko is angry, hurt and sad but Iroh is kind and warm. He’d lost his son a couple of years back and was still heartbroken over it though he tried not to show it. He gives him tea whenever he has nightmares and pays for him to see a therapist. He buys him glow-in-the-dark stars when Zuko asks and doesn’t force him to talk when he doesn’t feel like it. It’s while he’s staying with Iroh that he’s diagnosed with dyslexia. It’s discovered later than usual but he starts getting help for it.

For his sixteenth birthday, Iroh buys him so much art supplies that he cries when he sees them. The first painting he makes after is a portrait of Iroh's son Lu Ten. The old man cries when he presents it.

Several months later, Iroh brings home some paperwork and Zuko is afraid that he’s getting moved.  
“Please don’t send me away.” Zuko whispers softly scared out of his mind. His subconscious already telling him that he messed up one way or the other.  
“Never.” Iroh says pulling him into an encompassing hug.  
A couple of months later, after lots of paperwork and visits to the courthouse, Zuko gets adopted.

**

When Zuko is twenty he graduates high school. It’s later than normal because of all the moving around and his poor grades… the dyslexia doesn’t help matters either, but he’s so proud of himself. Iroh holds him close and tells him how proud he is too.

He spends the summer working at Iroh's tea shop and painting. He decides to study art in college the next year.

**

College is a different place entirely and while he doesn’t really make many friends at first, he has a lot of fun. His experiences with Zhao weigh on him like a cloud and at times he wonders how broken a person can be.

He hasn’t been in college for long when he finds that he likes sex. A lot. After everything that happened in his past he doesn’t understand how he could still like it.

_Whore._

_Slut._

_You like it don’t you._

He does it with strangers he meets at parties and course mates that stare too long at his face or scar… he doesn’t really care.

Some of them try to ask him to dinner or something after but he never accepts. Even if he was interested in relationships, he knows how it'll end. They’d see how broken he is and then leave him.

**

He meets Jet during his first year of college. He tries to keep him at arms length but the other boy seems to sneak into the cracks in his heart. They aren’t in love or even in a relationship at least not the kind that a lot of people expect from them but they understand each other. Zuko can tell that Jet has been hurt like him and he thinks Jet can see it too. Jet’s friends sometimes call them an old married couple but they don’t mind.

Jet is broken and so is he but their pieces seem to fit perfectly.

It’s through him that he meets Sokka.

**

He’d heard a lot about Sokka before meeting him. Being a brother to Jet's ex-girlfriend meant they definitely weren’t on good terms.

The first time Zuko sees him though is at a pool party that Jet drags him to. Girls and boys in ridiculous swimwear either drunk, high or something in between.

He spots Sokka standing by the pool. He’s hard to miss considering he’s mostly dressed. He’s surrounded by people. Left and right and he’s saying something. Whatever it is seems to be interesting because the people around him seem to hang onto his every word, like he’s spilling the secrets of the universe.

A few hours into the party and Jet’s nowhere to be found. Zuko’s thinking of leaving when Sokka sits beside him on the edge of the pool. They’re both still fully dressed although Sokka’s showing more skin than he was earlier.

“Hello.” He says grin wide and eyes sparkling from the wine he was drinking.

“Hi.” Zuko replies already feeling awkward because Sokka’s staring and he shouldn’t even be able to see his scarred side from that angle.

“Where’d you get the wine?” Zuko asks partly curious and partly trying to fill the silence.

“I know a guy.” Sokka answers, lifting the transparent disposable cup to take another sip before standing up and offering Zuko a hand.

“Why do you think I want to stand up?”

“To dance with me obviously. It’ll get lonely if I do it alone.”

Zuko looks at the offered hand unimpressed but Sokka smiles back unapologetic. Against his better judgement, he takes the hand and allows Sokka to pull him to his feet.

**

They start fucking that night and that’s it. Fucking… just fucking because Zuko is damaged and broken and that’s all he’s good for.

**

After every meeting, Sokka asks him on a date and Zuko always declines.

**

Against his better judgement, they start seeing each other during the day. Study sessions and lunch that Zuko refuses to acknowledge as dates.

“Why won’t you date me?” Sokka asks one night as Zuko hastily wears his clothes preparing to leave.

“You’re not my type… besides I don’t date.” Zuko replies lacing up his combat boots and getting up to leave.  
“Sure.” Sokka replies rolling his eyes and turning over to sleep.

_Because you’re you and I’m me and you deserve better._

**

“You’re in love with him.” Jet suddenly exclaims. They’d been watching a movie on Jet’s laptop when the darker boy decides to discuss Zuko’s love life on a whim.

“No I’m not.” Zuko replies furrowing his brow.

“I didn’t mention a name.” Jet says smiling like the cat that got the canary.

“Oh.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it.”

“I’m not in love with Sokka.” Jet raises one perfectly arced eyeybrow.

“And even if I was, it doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?” Jet asks managing to look annoyed and concerned at the same time.

“I’m all wrong. I can’t be what he deserves.” Zuko answers arms coming up to wrap around himself.

“You’re not wrong. And anyone would be lucky to be with you.” Jet says reaching out and taking Zuko’s hands in his. “And I’m not just saying it. You deserve to be happy so let yourself be.”

_You don’t understand. I don’t deserve him._

He stops seeing Sokka after that. It isn’t fair to him.

**

It’s dark when Sokka comes to find him. He’d spent the whole day painting. If most of the paintings resemble Sokka vaguely, it’s a coincidence.

“Jet told me you’d be here.”

Zuko doesn’t turn to look at him but he can feel the blue-eyed boy moving closer to him.

“He’s worried about you; you know?”

“Why are you here Sokka?”

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Zuko opens his mouth to disagree but Sokka interrupts. “Don’t deny it.”

“I…”

“Why?” Sokka asks his usual smile missing from his face. He looks tired, worn, sad.

_This is your doing._

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me why you’ve been ignoring my calls, hiding from me… etcetera.” Sokka exclaims slightly raising his voice. He takes a step closer to the pale boy in front of him and Zuko steps back.

“You want me to spell it out for you? I’m no longer interested. The sex was good but I’m tire-.”

“Oh cut the bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit… I’m just not interested anymore.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not… I” Zuko sighs “It’s over Sokka.”

“Why are you doing this Zuko? Stop trying to hurt us both.” Sokka says tentatively taking Zuko's paint stained fingers as his eyes filled with tears.

“I love you… please just give me… us a chance.”

“I don’t… I don’t love” Zuko starts to say but he chokes up as tears run down his face.

Sokka steps closer and lifts one hand to cup Zuko's face.

“I know you’ve been hurt before and I know you’re scared but please let me love you.”

“That’s the thing though.” Zuko says moving out if Sokka's arms. “You don’t know.”

“Okay, yeah… I don’t know. But I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.” Sokka says earnestly. The fluorescent light of the room is illuminating his face and he looks heartbroken. Zuko suddenly feels ashamed.

__Your fault. You managed to hurt even someone as amazing as him.  
_ _

“I'm sorry, Sokka.” Zuko says turning his back on the other boy. The hope drains from Sokka's face and he takes a step back.

“I really do love you.” Sokka says before leaving.

Zuko falls apart

**

It takes two months of hiding and running before Zuko realizes how much he wants to be with Sokka. It takes offhanded comments from Jet and worried looks from Iroh to get him out of his own head. It takes two months to realize but it takes longer for him to do something about it.

“Hi.” Zuko waves smiling sheepishly. His heart is beating wildly in his chest and he feels like he might throw up. He can’t help but notice though that Sokka’s changed since he last saw him . His hair is longer and is brushing his chin now. The usual stud he wears in one ear has been replaced by a small hoop. He looks better, happier.

_What if he doesn’t want me anymore?_

_What if he has someone else now?_

_That’ll be fine. I have to try though._

“Zuko?” Sokka asks looking surprised to see him. Zuko can’t blame him though. He’d been avoiding the other for quite some time and suddenly showing up announced at his door wasn’t exactly expected.

“It’s me… um… Zuko… but I guess you already know that.” Zuko mumbles already feeling awkward. He takes a breath and steps closer nervously lifting a hand to run through his hair.

_You got this. He hasn’t slammed the door in your face yet so…  
_

“Okay… yeah. There’s a lot I want to say and I just… I needed time and I know there’s no excuse for what I put you through. I just…” Zuko inhales trying to summon the courage to say what he came to say.

“I’m just saying… I mean I was wondering if you’d …would you… I mean" Zuko stutters out.

“I’m listening” Sokka assures gentle smile plastered on his face.

“I… go out with me.” Zuko says finally surprised that he actually managed to say it. He’s pretty sure his face is completely red from embarrassment.  
Sokka’s face lights up and he reaches past the threshold to place his hands on Zuko’s face.

“Sure.” He replies leaning forward to kiss the scarred boy before him.

**

Zuko is twenty one when he starts dating Sokka.

He’s been hurt and twisted by life and people. He has scars both inside and outside. He’s damaged; hurt and afraid. But he’s found love, a family and all he's ever wanted. He’s not fine, maybe he’ll never be but he’s… he’s happy.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're here, it means you read till the end. Thank you.  
> Leave a kudos if you liked it and if you didn't... I'm sorry. Tell me how you feel about it in the comments too if you want.  
> It's my first try so it's probably riddled with errors but I'm just proud that I finished it.  
> I'm serenebell on tumblr so you can come say hi 😊


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